This morning, on KKLA at 8:30 am the opening comments were directed towards making changes in your life, and that God is the mechanism through which these changes and transitions occur.

Since I have started believing more than 6 months ago, most weeks do not go by without one realization or another whether its about the Bible or where my life does not match up with the godliness God inspires and impresses upon me. There is little else than I would love to be than that elusively godly wife someday. (I need to date and get a boyfriend first, of course!) But I don’t think I had put so much faith in informal social control/public confession before. I think there is a drawback to the Catholic confession, in which its just the individual and the priest, for as the nondenominationals and Evangelicals teach, you are to go to eachother and confess. The social sanctions are more than enough to shame us into changing our sinful and godless ways. I don’t that same shameful feeling when I go to a priest because it’s not nearly half as public.

When we come face to face with public shame we are more apt to change our ways. It’s likened to the difference between the laughing stocks in the town square and telling someone in private who is sworn to keeping his mouth shut. When you are aware of the fact that someone will not go about prattling your sins you can feel safe that you can go about your business with out shame or guilt. I say, hand over to me the shame and guilt, the more the better, and therefore the more likely I am to change my ways. In a public affirmation of our sins, there are more people we are held accountable too. You don’t need to take a social psychology course to understand this, the writers of the Bible didn’t have college courses available to themselves, but they got it correct: public statements are more likely to bring you to shame which pushes you to change your ways more than any tiny confessional can bring me to my knees and to change.


I read it and nearly hear it said all the time, that God has conquered the Darkness when His Son embodied sin and died on the Cross for us; so that we could experience eternal life with the Father.

I think Satan is smart enough to know when the Battle has been won, so why does he attack us still with temptation? The Father is all knowing, and all-forgiving so long as you repent and believe in Him and the Son. For Christ told us, that no one can know the Father and not accept the Son; so Faith in Christ and the Father is our being saved. In addition to this, so long as we are believing, and repentant, we have a claim to eternal life. Therefore, why plague us, the Saved?

Satan is not satisfied with the consumerism and pluralism of today. It’s not enough that young women and men abandon the ways of purity that are so pleasing to the Father; nor is he content with the people he effectively lures away from the light with lust and flesh that will only decay with time. He has to have more, for the one thing that Satan is when you boil him down (as the Hell Fires eventually shall do anyway) is greed, that need for more, more, and yet still more.

He can never be content, and so he grabs at loose ends thinking that he is winning.

But he has already lost; the Battle was won on the Cross.
Denial won’t get the demon any closer to winning, he’ll just lose some more, until the Judgement Day when Satan and his band of demons will lose it all like they never thought possible.

You dumb, selfish demon: don’t you see I can’t be had? I’m a Child of God, and I like it here in the Light just fine.

I do not know if all the Focus on the Family broadcasts are the same throughout the nation each day, but here in Los Angeles, I have been listening to it this week. The theme they have adopted for this third week of January is the sanctity of life. For the last two days Focus on the Family has had the leader of Life International speaking about how he opened the first chapter of Life International in Grand Rapids Michigan next door to an abortion clinic to pray for the women and unborn children, and for God to relieve us from this culture of death that people all over the world have embraced.

Sometimes the Focus on the Family broadcasts make for a tearful commute, and these last few days are no exception. Abortion hits close to home for me. I am single, unmarried, and I live with my parents. I have not had an abortion. I have a brother. I have never met him, I was never given the chance; I will meet him the same day that I meet my Father. My parents, over the course of the last few years, have revealed to myself and my sister that my mother had an abortion sometime between when I was born (1984) and when my sister was born (1988).

So, everytime I listen to one broadcast or another that addresses abortion, I find myself telling God various things. I suppose it is only natural for me to want to know my brother. I want to know his favourite color. I want to know the color of his hair and his eyes. I want to know if he likes football or fishing; camping or skiing; etc. In short, I feel cheated. My parents told me in vague terms why my brother was aborted: that he had a genetic disorder, and if mom delivered him, she would not be able to have more kids. My sister was only told that she would have an older brother, but I filled her in on the details.

I may not know the pain and suffering a woman goes through to arrive at the decision to have an abortion. I do not know the despair, shame, and guilt that plagues a woman after having had an abortion. But, I do know how it affects people other than the mother. You get cheated out of a life, out of a brother or a sister, a son or a daughter, a grandson or a granddaughter. It hurts.

I am also saddened by knowing that my parents claim to believe, vote pro-life, and call themselves Catholic. I’m sorry, but these are not just labels you stick to yourself for Sunday or for election day. You either believe it and live it, or don’t. Am I upset? Yes. Each person bears the image of God, each and every single person on this planet is a Child of God. To say that a woman has the right to decide who lives and who dies, is the work of Darkness. What you percieve as a choice, is really death.

I want no part of this culture of Death, of Darkness.

Last night as I was reading up on the validity and reliability of polygraph tests online for my forensic psychology lecture later this morning, I was looking at some of the articles listed at I came upon one that spoke of God breaking us so that we can get past our pride or other hurdles that we would not otherwise cross to get closer to God. That made me think, and while it may sound odd, I have to say that I am in the end grateful for the cult. If I had not joined the cult, and subsequently left it, I would not be here. Not only would I not believe in the Truth of God, but I have not the slightest idea as to where I would be physically. I could be at SC or I could be at the “Bible” school. The possibilities are endless.

However, I chose to listen to Priscilla’s (who is associated with University Bible Fellowship, which may be of questionable status) email. I left the cult and the ensuing months broke me over and over again. Looking back on it now, I think it was necessary for me to be broken to that extent, to be so completely crushed as to turn away from God. I was proud. I was really proud. I remember while in the cult I was doing some Bible study with some members, and they were talking about how we are all sinners. They went on talking freely allowing themselves to say they sin. I couldn’t, and wouldn’t say that I sinned. I was too good to be considered a sinner. That is why, when I first began to believe August 8th that I wrote on my Xanga that I was a sinner. It was such a milestone for me.

Again this morning, I heard a broadcast on the same station that does Focus on the Family, and I listen to it many mornings during my commute. This morning I left my car in the Parking Center thinking that there is no better way to start your morning than to be reminded that you are a sinner. During the speech the pastor spoke of how we can’t escape temptation, how we are born in sin to be sin because Satan has control over the Earth; until we are born again into the Light. At which point I am reminded of my thought last night of how if each Christian on earth held a lit candle, that is a lot of light. But I glanced upward and told God that I want there to be more Light in the World for Him.

I find it troubling that there are a great many of us, of the Children of Light, and yet how oppressive and stifling the Dark feels. For even if there is just one person of darkness stands amid the Light, it’s like you can feel it telling you to be quiet. The pastor on the broadcast said that when you are born to be sin, you are Darkness, and you belong to Darkness. I like being in the Light. I like knowing that I am in the Light. I like knowing that one day, I’ll be with the Light forever and the Darkness will vanish.