Imaginary

I linger in the doorway
My alarm clock screaming
Monster’s calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops, as they’re falling, tell a story
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
Don’t say I’m out of touch
With this rampant chaos – your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
***
I knew there was a reason why every waking moment I could spare is spent in day-dreaming.
***
To put it lightly, being spiritually attacked for the last 3 weeks has sucked.
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Lorica

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation.
I arise today
Through the strength of Christ’s birth and His baptism,
Through the strength of His crucifixion and His burial,
Through the strength of His resurrection and His ascension,
Through the strength of His descent for the judgment of doom.
I arise today
Through the strength of the love of cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In service of archangels,
In the hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In the prayers of patriarchs,
In preachings of the apostles,
In faiths of confessors,
In innocence of virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.
I arise today
Through the strength of heaven;
Light of the sun,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of the wind,
Depth of the sea,
Stability of the earth,
Firmness of the rock.
I arise today
Through God’s strength to pilot me;
God’s might to uphold me,
God’s wisdom to guide me,
God’s eye to look before me,
God’s ear to hear me,
God’s word to speak for me,
God’s hand to guard me,
God’s way to lie before me,
God’s shield to protect me,
God’s hosts to save me
From snares of the devil,
From temptations of vices,
From every one who desires me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone or in a multitude.
I summon today all these powers between me and evil,
Against every cruel merciless power that opposes my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom,
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of women and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man’s body and soul.
Christ shield me today
Against poison,
against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that reward may come to me in abundance.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through a confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation.

Fooled me twice, but not thrice!

I have been on a wierd spiritual bender recently. I stopped last night when I got home and thought, “what have I done differently this past week to encourage such behavior? such a withdrawal from God? a self-removal from a godly lifestyle?” Turns out, the only thing that I have done differently is take off my medals (one of St. Benedict, the other of the Blessed Ever Virgin Mother).

Maybe you have read this blog long enough to recall a similar episode last semester. It seems that these medals are more than a springboard for prayer or a daily reminder that I belong to God. Neither of them are blessed. I do not consciously go around thinking “I’m not wearing my medals, let me cuss and talk about things I wouldn’t normaly even think about thinking of.”

A large portion of this thought process occurred during dinner. We got home late last night and mom was more upset than I was that I’d gotten rejected from the USC Clinical Psychology program. She was yelling about me, so I stayed up in my room until she came upstairs to shower. I was not about to eat dinner while she dragged me through the mud. I eat dinner alone around 9pm, so I brought an old, unfinished Bible study book I had bought upon just returning to the faith.

The back of the book has the 6 chapters of Ephesians. In the first chapter, I rested my eyes on a few verses.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world…(Eph. 1:3-4)

He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His Grace, which He lavished upon us. (Eph. 1:5-8)

We are to be soldiers for Christ, spreading His Gospel of Peace, and walking circumspectly, avoiding the Devil as best as we can. Soldiers need two forms of information: (1) information on the terrain, and (2) information pertaining to the enemy.

I wasn’t walking circumspectly. Fool me once, shame on him. Fooled me twice, the shame is now on me. I’ll take it, because you know that I don’t take Satan lightly. I don’t give him undue power, but I also do not ignore the very real fact of his existance.

I love reminding myself that St. Thomas More once said that the foolish Devil cannot stand to be mocked. I’m wearing my medals now, and I’ll mock him throughout the day. He’s the only one I can tease, chide, mock and lie to without it all being a sin.

Jasmine

I have been smelling the scent of Jasmine in various places for about a month. I thought nothing of it until three nights ago I was waiting for the parking center tram and smelled jasmine. There was no wind and I’d been sitting there for about 10 minutes and there hadn’t been any scent when I first sat down.

I’ve also had it at my dresser where I have a statue of the Virgin Mother along with a candle, a cross, and some dried flowers. These flowers have no scent. It smells like lavender because I have dried lavender sprigs and lemon verbena at her feet. However, neither smell anything like jasmine. Last night I went to my dresser, smelled nothing.

Last night waiting for the tram 20 minutes. Did not smell anything for about 15 minutes, then a slight inhale of it and it was gone. Then right before the tram came it was there again, enough so that Monkey noticed. I have walked by the stop many times in the daytime and nighttime and there are no jasmine plants nearby. It doesn’t always smell like jasmine either.

I have no idea what this means, if it has a significance or not. Ancient_Scribe suggested I pray about it. However, I don’t understand this scent, so … someone care to clue me in?

Luke 16:19-31

the holy Gospel according to Luke 16:19-31

Jesus said to the Pharisees: “There was a rich man who dressed in purple garments and fine linen and dined sumptuously each day. And lying at his door was a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who would gladly have eaten his fill of the scraps that fell from the rich man’s table. Dogs even used t ocome and lick his sores. When the poor man died, he was carried away by angels to the bosom of Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried, and from the netherworld, where he was in torment, he raised his eyes and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus at his side. And he cried out, ‘Father, Abraham, have pity on me. Send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am suffering torment in these flames.’ Abraham replied, ‘My child, remember that you recieved what was good during your lifetime while Lazarus likewise recieved what was bad; but now he is comforted here, whereas you are tormented. Moreover, between us and you a great chasm is established to prevent anyone from crossing who might wish to go from our side to yours or from your side to ours.’ He said, ‘Then I beg you, father, send him to my father’s house, for I have five brothers, so that he may warn them, lest they too come to this place of torment.’ But Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the prophets. Let them listen to them.’ He said, ‘Oh no, father Abraham, but if someone from the dead goes to them they will repent.’ Then Abraham said, ‘If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone should rise from the dead.'” Amen.

I should like to know, O rich man, if you in your suffering excuse even your own self. You would not have come to these evils if on earth you had given a crumb from your huge barns and a drop from your great wine presses. What the flesh needs, and nature demands, and suffices for life, is littel. Avarice is the reason why a man stores up many great possessions, not for himself but for others, and that clearly to his present or future suffering.

But you object, O rich man: “Even if I did refuse to give wine, what I ask for is water, which the Creator himself of all beings and nature gave as something common to all human beings.” I think, O rich man, that you refused even water to the poor man. You exposed him to as many dogs as you could to keep him from entering your door and coming to your well.

“Send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water.” What is the meaning of this which you say if he is not to bring the water? Evidently, that water is nearby to you. And if it is near, why do you not take it from nearby? Why? Because your hands are rightly bound, O rich man. Because you spurned to give help to Lazarus’ hand when they had lost their strenght through weakness. Man should certainly share his members with the weak. When Job was not so much giving them as giving them back, he spoke as follows: “I was an eye of the blind, and a foot of the lame. I was the father of the weak.” O man, if you do not have a coin, give a poor man your hand, because he shows greater mercy who by his own hand leads a poor man who is weak to his table. He gives his very self to the poor man who devotes himself to his service, makes himself the poor man’s servant. — St. Peter Chrysologus

***
Perhaps what struck me the most strongly in this Gospel reading are the last lines: “‘If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone should rise from the dead.'” For some individuals are so steadfast in thier ways and beliefs that no amount of our efforts will turn them towards Christ. How pitiful!