yeah. I kind of noticed it the other day when I was praying the novena to the Archangels (their feast is this Saturday), that when you get kicked out of Heaven, you’re really damned. Well, there were good intentions in my thought!
During Mass on Sunday, I had the thought “This is the Lord thy God, whom you will serve all the rest of your life” right between recieving the Eucharist and the wine/Blood. The “amen” seemed insufficient after that great thought. Not great as in “gee, wow, what insight” but great in magnitude and gravity. Part of that thought was due to the fact that the rector of St Johns Seminary in Camarillo CA had given the sermon. He put in the plug for male vocations. It left me feeling kind of invisible because he did not address female vocations. I know that we need male vocations, but for Heaven’s sake, don’t kick me to the curbside! Then I remembered that although my life may be invisible to the world, it is not invisible to our Lord.
I usually say a daily Rosary for vocations each morning in the car, however this past friday I said it in the afternoon. I could not finish the Rosary in my usual course; it had switched from vocations to the state of the Roman Catholic Church and the Archdiocese of Los Angeles in particular. I started crying and begging Mary and Jesus to protect and intercede on behalf the archdiocese as it under her patronage (Our Lady of Angeles ~ Los Angeles).
I cannot convey with words the urgency I felt about this change in prayer. It still feels “now or never.”
There are changes occuring in the LA Archdiocese:
- Mahony is not liturgically “correct”
- the huge settlement for the sexual abuse lawsuit has to be funded
- selling convents to pay off the settlement
- selling the Wilshire buildings that houses Archdiocese offices including Vocations, to pay off the settlement as well
- Sr. Kathy Bryant is leaving her post as Vocations Director
However, aside from these changes I sense through prayer an impending spiritual trial that will challenge the LA Archdiocese.
I was struck by my prayer for a particular someone: I prayed for Satan one day at Mass last week.
My thoughts were that God forgives as He is Love, and if there is anyone in need of salvation it would be Satan. Satan does commit the overarching sin of Pride, a Pride so strong and defiant that it cast him out of Heaven, and not only to Earth, but eternal damnation.
Now, we know that satan was cast out, but is he really damned? Can we know how God will judge someone? Can we say that Satan is actually damned?
Can we pray for Satan?
I am wiped out. I got up on time today: 5am. If I seriously consider making a committment to morning and evening prayer, I’d have to get up at 4:30am in order to drag myself out of the house on time. The incoming cool days of fall will not help, as the warmth of bed is more enticing.
Still focusing on my disorder, so that’s also draining some mental energy, but not as bad as last week. Waiting on the shrink to call me back with some referrals: preferably Christian and experienced with the disorder ~ I want to be the client, not the educator.
My body is still reacting to all the stress from last week’s episode … can’t believe it was just last week, seems so long ago. I need to bring ibuprofen with me to school, these headaches aren’t doing me much good.
I should stop complaining, Christ didn’t complain on the cross about His burdens. That’s something I learned in Adoration last week.
I’m doing better, but I still have to work at addressing the problem.