Since last Friday evening, all that I have been able to tell within myself is a really deep longing to enter the convent, or cloister, I don’t know which. I don’t have the sense that I should be joining in the near future but right now.
I want to cry out of sheer frustration. All I can say is that right now I want God alone and nothing else, yet I’m stuck in the world. I am beholden to loans, school, internships, parents, siblings, papers, and other class assignments. In the meantime all I want to do is read about the Church history, the desert Fathers, Merton, and many of the Saints. I want to pray. I want to sit alone with God.
I want to be rid of all my things, all the junk and clutter in my life. I want to be rid of so many of my possessions; I don’t even care about the quilting! Throw it all in the trash or walk away from it all.
I don’t want to be part of this secular world any more. Not that I’m a member of it, but I don’t want to dwell in it any longer.