Darkness

So much has occurred that I don’t know what to tell you, or even where to begin. And yet, when I look back on my life, not much has changed either. Funny how life is.

In July 2012 I moved out of my parents’ house and moved about 15 minutes away (for Los Angeles, that’s a decent distance), and got an apartment with a girl friend. It’s nice because it’s close to my base office in Torrance and many of the stores and malls in the area.

Since November 2011 I have been working as a social worker/therapist for children. I got to watch (and inwardly cringe while) a 6 year old poured purple glitter on orange playdoh; done a few suicide contracts; discharge some, and tried to convince parents in broken Spanish how “speed” can prevent their kid from flunking the 4th grade the second year in a row.

Since moving out, a Mister Hamster has moved in; the only male allowed to spend the night. =] His name is Sam, and he’s quite the quiet, neurotic introverted Syrian hamster. We’re on the same temperament wave-length. Might be acquiring a Mr. Bunny in the near future…not sure though.

Finally got the depression & anxiety of the past 3 years old control thanks to chemicals: two years of insomnia finally ending, and three years of yo-yo weight changes stabilizing. Fewer headaches and migraines; less chronic back pain.

Vocation-wise: 3-4 years in the desert/darkness. I go to Mass because I obey; same for Confession, and other trappings of the faith. I started attending the Tridentine Latin Mass almost exclusively August 2011. Wait, you want to know the reason! I could not muster enough energy with depression & fatigue to withstand the Novous Ordo for more than 15 minutes, and then would sit through the rest of the Mass. With the Tridentine, I could get through past Eucharist, which was an hour into the service. I continue to be almost exclusively Tridentine; maybe 3 N.O. masses per year.
   Not sure if I mentioned it here, but I had to turn down the acceptance into the convent in June 2009 due to student loans. I still have those loans. I’m a social worker by trade; not exactly rolling in it. I wish I had more to say about my vocation. I don’t. It’s dreary, dark and unanswered stillness.

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