I received a letter on the weekend of my birthday in November. This is the text of the letter:
Praised be Jesus Christ!
May Our dear Lord reward you for your recent letter. We hope and pray that this note finds you well!
After much prayer, we wanted to let you know that we do not think it is Our dear Lord’s will that you have a vocation to our Carmel. We will always be keeping you + your dear family in our prayers. If we may suggest that to discover your vocation, to pray for + find a wise, holy Priest to direct you. And may Jesus, who described Himself as meek + humble of heart be your best model in all you do. You will be a great blessing to your family, trying to …
It goes on. I cried. I received the letter the day before my birthday, and thinking the letter was something nice, I saved it to read after morning Mass. Happy Birthday to me, I got another rejection! They hadn’t even spoken to me by phone or seen my face.
But I do have a spiritual director, and I’m okay with it. If they decided to not get to know me fully, then that’s their issue. My SD made an excellent point, that I may have answered all their questions, but they missed most of me; they may have cut off contact for various reasons that have nothing to do with me at all.
You’ve probably heard of the fascinating experience and phenomenon of Synesthesia. I’m been thinking about what it would be like to see colors with particular words, or have sounds that have precise matching tastes. Why? Well, I have on-going back pain that is in my upper back. Following the car accident last March, I’ve had additional pain which led to a pinched nerve. Since the nerve pain became unbearable in August, I’ve had a few sessions of physical therapy, which I abandoned since each session was followed by several days of migraine and excruciating pain. Today, for the first time in several months, I had a a back massage.
I was having a pretty good time for the first several minutes, gazing at the wall painted a pretty blue. Then, my vision had morphing asymmetrical bloobs of:
Not at all disconcerting! I see yellow everywhere, every day. Sheesh. We/I/She found a ball of muscle that was wrapped around the effected nerve that’s pinched. Working on it resulted in an all-day headache, soreness, and a strong desire to pass out: I had shooting pain & numbness I could feel all the way into my finger tips and the nail bed of my thumb. To my dismay, I scheduled a follow-up for next week. I guess seeing yellow is better than not sleeping at night or being unable to carry things.
As a kid going to school in the 90s, I’m still getting used to the idea that Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. As someone who’s struggled with math and science, I’ve come to understand that I know very little about the workings of our planetary home, As a social worker I’m more aware of just how paradigms, research and grants, are protected academia and government; how anything contrary to the popular views is squashed, despite it having more validity than what has been touted.
Then there are moments, such as a movie trailer on Facebook that makes me consider all these things at once. The Principle is a film that discusses scientific evidence that is not included in the text books, classrooms or research grants because it doesn’t fit the current paradigm. In research, nothing can actually be proven true; you only know it’s correct if it’s been proven false. Perhaps here there is something that brings the accepted mindset into question.
I wrapped all the gifts. Put up the lights & opened my nativity set for the first time.
But the cats are meowing and mice stirring.
My roomie “forgot” to pay the cable bill last month. I came home this evening to find a past-due notice on the table, opened but the repayment stub still attached. I called her, no answer. I texted her, no response again. I pay it in full & drive to a mail drop box I KNOW gets picked up at 8am so the funds might arrive at TWC tomorrow, which is when the notice says service may get cut.
Roomie texts me saying “I paid it.” She comes home at 9:45 and says “I haven’t paid yet. I’ll do it tomorrow.”
Don’t lie to me. I said I would never go through her mail (it’s a federal offence) because it’s her responsibilty. And she can’t forget additional payments for gas or electricity because it effects others in the apartment, namely myself. I said that if she has problems asking me for half of the payments each month (i.e. previous roomie said asking for money made her feel bad) that she needs to figure something out.