For two weeks I’ve seen this coming, sort of. Let me explain, and perhaps fictional literature is better to do the job at this than my direct experience?
At any rate this is the way I choose to express my Self and my Experience at the moment.
— — — — —
I think THIS
would be a good introduction.
At the misty shoreline, Frank paused as Scott chose to break the silence by skipping a rock. Looking up from the dead leaves he had been shuffling against yellow and red lake rocks, Frank’s eyes pierced through the older man, boring past him to an unseen point.
“They care, you know.”
Frank was silent, digging his hands deeper into his pockets and his feet just shuffled against the remaining reminders of fall. Turning from Scott, he gazed over the lake, watching the wafts of mist rise before the sun turned the sky yellow. Breathing in slowly, he exhaled, “Never said it was about them.”
“Then, tell me. You’ve got to tell someone, don’t you? Can’t say you’re not busting at the seams to tell someone.”
Swallowing, Frank continued looking to the opposite horizon of the lake while the camp lay in slumber behind them. “Ever get an invitation from a distant friend? You feel obliged for what you once had with them, but now you don’t have much connecting you anymore? It’s not like that. This is like your best friend asking you to consider a serious decision that benefits both of you.” Frank looked expectantly at Scott, who was more pensive than passive, “Go on.”
“Well, like I’ve told Thom, it’s kind of like praying at church. I’m talking to a Friend about things that would benefit both of us, once we’ve each heard the other and considered whether the gain is worth the battle.”
Frank looked at Scott like he was a fool, “Souls. God asked me to help fight for the Souls that have the least inkling of belonging to Him. What were you thinking I was going to say?”
“Not a clue. Good and Evil is hardly convincing these days.”
The teen shrugged his flannel-clad shoulders, “It’s been called worse.”
“How’d you get to this point?”
“What point? Quiet? God’s not in the loud wind, right?”
With a nod of his head to the right, Scott conceded. “What happens? Where do you go?”
“Where do you go in the boundary blurriness between sleep and waking? God uses that space, for me, to enter into His realm. At first I was scared and unable to do very much at all. I was answering the phone, so to speak, or returning the R.S.V.P. Now that boundary just stretches out before me. I really can’t explain what really happens. As for where I go, I’m still right here.”
Scott nodded, longer curls than his brother bobbed along. Turning his gaze in the same direction of Frank’s he let silence slip over them for a while. Breaking it, “So, God asks you to fight for souls. How do you know which ones?”
“I don’t. He tells me and I heed.”
“How does He tell you?”
“Mary’s the four-star General of His Army. It’s marching all around every day even though you can’t see or feel the trembling of it’s force. I’ve experienced their power, since I’m not the only one living that joins forces with the commanders and generals, which you must know are the saints. Mary lets me know.”
“Yes.” With that Frank turned from Scott and wandered a bit further along the shoreline, signalling with his body language the exploration was over. If Scott wanted more, he’d have to chisel through Frank’s armour, or enter God’s world.