I’ve noticed something, when I read the blogs of other women who have entered religious life, and leave their blog running for the sake of future readers, education, information, to say “I was here”, &c. All their blogs are explicitly religious. If something unsavory occurred at work, they don’t mention it on their page. If some dismal words were exchanged between mother and daughter prior to entering, then it’s not shared. It brings to mind a saying of St. Josémaria Escriva, that he disliked the candy-coated appearing statutes of Mary, as though she were made of baking paste to be sat atop a cake.

Am I on display, on a cake, to make you like me? Am I to be all sweet and nice, and you to never see my rough edges? Am I to appear saintly?

No. NO. NO!

I’m not here to say, “Hey! I have a vocation to religious life.” Or “I’m already holy and perfect, please accept me!”


I’m a mess. I’m human. I fall all the bloody time. I lie. I drink. I own 5” cherry red stiletto heels. I like loud music. I like whiskey & single malt scotch. I have the things that land me in the Confession line every 3-4 weeks. I think mean thoughts.

I’m not here for you to like my posts. I’m not here seeking to promote a pretty picture. I put up posts like “Puddle of Power” every once in a while because that’s my reality. This is my blog, and I’ll put here what I dam well please.


That would be a farce. Farces don’t go anywhere. They spin ‘round; milling and dawdling. Farces tailspin; crash and burn, spurned.

Religious life isn’t about farces or candy-coated lives. It’s about what is needed most to save your Soul. My Soul. Recall, each day you have God to thank & serve, a Soul to save; Heaven to gain, Hell to lose. These truths aren’t obtained on the days that things have passed well, the days that are respites; rather, the days that are difficult. The days when you have a puddle of power, and you can wallow in it, or bypass the puddle knowing that it will dry up at some point. I need religious life to get my anti-morning-person-butthead into Mass every morning, to pray my daily Rosary, to maintain the daily prayerful conversation with Christ; a steady balance of work, pray, play. God calls you to unity with Him; and He calls me as well. We are called differently, as are the life paths. However, what doesn’t differ is our sinfulness.

Concisely, I’m not pure religion & prayer all day, every day. My blog should be a reflection of my reality.


Be Polite

Dear person from Craigslist:

Yes, you have my word that the futon is yours. Please be kind in turn and let me know when I can expect you to pick it up. You’re not the cable guy who comes between 8 & 5. I have a life outside of selling futons, believe or not.

From 12 til whenever I’ll be living & not waiting.



Can be attricious.

The situation: My roomate made plans beginning of May to move out and did so this past Sunday. I’m swinging rent in excess of $1500 by myself for August. I’ve found a place to share with coworker for total $1265. That’s a savings of $150/month for me.

My dad offered financial assistance last week. I held off & he retracted it Sunday morning. Then he had buyers remorse, and called me today. He wants me to stay at current place, which I csnnot afford with my student debt & car loans. I can’t afford to eat at this point.

His thought is that I submitted paperwork to Sallie Mae to adjust my loans & is counting my chickens before they hatch. Yet SM hasn’t responded yet.

If you withdraw support, don’t you think the horse will stop pulling the cart, and kick you? Especially when you tease the horse?

Brain Vomit

An order that is set up to service a particular parish, if I read it correctly. The Generalate, is in Rome, of course as many are! But I can’t tell if they are only in Rome, or in the United States as well, because a vocation inquiry was sent back to me requesting that all vocation inquiries be sent to Rome! That’s cool, but also impossible to visit them if that is the case. On the plus side they are often doing Mass, Divine Office, &c much like the SMMEs. Similar to the Augustinian nuns, they work with thier hands, making embriodered and embellished priest garments and other fabric based items for use in the Mass and church. I don’t like needlepoint, but embroidery and hardinger and extended hems I’ve always wanted to do. We shall see.

At the local USC parish, they replaced the holy water in the font on Ash Wednesday to mininature rock/sand gardens. Solution is below in the red tone font. You can copy this, paste in it Word, and send it to your own parishes because this practice is new-age-y and against the teachings & views of the Vatican. Complaining to the Pope will not fix things, you’ve got to get off your duff and express your discontent. I think I’ll try to send on to Cardinal Roger Baloney as well (aka Mahoney).

Prot. N. 569/00/L
March 14, 2000

Dear Father:

This Congregation for Divine Worship has received your letter sent by fax in which you ask whether it is in accord with liturgical law to remove the Holy Water from the fonts for the duration of the season of Lent.

This Dicastery is able to respond that the removing of Holy Water from the fonts during the season of Lent is not permitted, in particular, for two reasons:

1. The liturgical legislation in force does not foresee this innovation, which in addition to being praeter legem is contrary to a balanced understanding of the season of Lent, which though truly being a season of penance, is also a season rich in the symbolism of water and baptism, constantly evoked in liturgical texts.

2. The encouragement of the Church that the faithful avail themselves frequently of the [sic] of her sacraments and sacramentals is to be understood to apply also to the season of Lent. The “fast” and “abstinence” which the faithful embrace in this season does not extend to abstaining from the sacraments or sacramentals of the Church. The practice of the Church has been to empty the Holy Water fonts on the days of the Sacred Triduum in preparation of the blessing of the water at the Easter Vigil,
and it corresponds to those days on which the Eucharist is not celebrated (i.e., Good Friday and Holy Saturday).

Hoping that this resolves the question and with every good wish and kind regard, I am,

Sincerely yours in Christ,
Mons. Mario Marini

Going to Religious Education Congress supported by the Los Angeles Archdiocese this Saturday. I have been scrambling the past few days to finish my take-home midterm essay exam as much as possible so that I only have to clean it up and still have time to study for my other exam on Monday evening. Crazy? Yes, but this is a way for me to meet with other Sisters and learn about thier communities as well as attend seminars/workshops about the church. Some of them I don’t approve of like (EWWWWWWWWWWWWW) Liturgical Dancing?!?!??!?!?! or the removal of celibacy from the priesthood is another topic (addressed by a Protestant minister) Nothing against Protestants, but this is a Roman Catholic Church event; hence I thought we would adhere to the traditions and scriptures of the Catholic Church; must be my mistake, my bad. And you wonder why people say “Mahoney is a phoney” or “Mahoney is Baloney.” He strays far away from Catholic teaching, liturgical reverence, and have you taken a look at the Los Angeles Cathedral? You can’t tell that the statue of the Virgin Mother is of the Virgin Mother, the Angels look demonic and torn to shreds.

One thing I do not understand is why the Blessed Sacrament is no longer kept on the altar. Christ is the center of our lives, He is the purpose of the Mass, thus to remove Him from the center of the celebration makes little sense. The Mass is not about “fuzzy wuzzies” or “feel good about yourself, you sorry sinner.” The Mass is about coming together in community to hear the Word of God and to “do this in remembrance of Me.”

At my home parish I don’t like the Crucifix … sorry, the resurrifex. It is a cross with what looks like Christ peeling off of it and about to saunter off! Either depict him as crucified or resurrected, but melding the two together looks kinda funky. I don’t think “funky” is what Christ had in mind.

Came across this in some vocational mail packages I got:
“Why I am a Priest”

by Father Joseph McCarthy
God’s trouble-shoter I am to dire

My days are spent in the thick of
Nancy has cancer, another countdown
has begone,
The doctors operated and sewed her
up again.
She has a month to go.
Her husband asked me to tell the kids
— she doesn’t know.
So all with all we try to make believe
And share our unshared secrets.
As priest and firiend I rack my brain
To find a word to fill this void.
In thier afflicted awe I clutch a
straw —
And offer them the Crucifix.
Some seek a sign, others want
All there is to offer
Is Christ Crucified.
Is my life all sadness, all a lonely
Is it all blackness as the world goes
No gratitude, no friendship, no
No love but waiting on a tardy Lord?
No — at thousand times No!
Mostly saints come my way,
Not frozen saints of plastic made,
But living, loving men and women
Who dedicate thier joys to God
And struggle hard to keep thier vows
to one another
PEOPLE are my source of strength
–The reason I am, and shall
remain, a priest.

“God doesn’t ‘zap’ us into a vocation. He doesn’t say: ‘Listen, I have this one speical slot picked out for you; and if you don’t find it, you’re going to lose your soul — or at least be miserably unhappy.’ ”

“I said earlier that the centeral vocation of religious is to live generously the Gospel counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Diocesan priests, by the way, do not live under vows, except the solemn promise not to marry. That’s the meaning of ‘celibacy.’ So religious live is something quite unique.”

–Father Martin W. Pable, OFM Cap. In “Religious Vocation: is it for Me?”

And that is all for now. Please, please do not take offense to anything I have written above; it’s entirely unintentional if there is anything to be taken offense of; except of course if you’re Cardinal Roger Mahoney or any other priest who has put sand and rocks and twigs in the holy water font or practice outside of the teachings and traditions and reverence of the Holy Roman Catholic Church!