Vocational Update 3? or 4? Who knows?

I’ve been quiet about this – at least in the details. I will continue to be quiet until more is understood. I first wrote a letter to a monastery in June, and have been slowly gaining in communication since then via email and phone calls. I will be visiting a monastery from Thursday August 7th through Sunday August 10th. In lieu of a stipend to stay at the guest house, I’ll be working with the sisters for a few hours each day. If I’m really diligent and finalize the vocation questionnaire, I may be able to speak with the Novitiate during recreation one evening.

I’ve told my spiritual director, and three additional friends, the specific details. My parents are not aware. My sister, once she reads this blog post will know precisely the information that is here and nothing more. How come? What happens when you spread your business everywhere – is anything respected? Is it honored? Is it accepted? I’ll bet you a student loan that the answer is ‘No’. Everyone runs roughshod all over your thoughts, your desires, God’s desires for you, and so forth; suddenly everything is up for debate.

In my previous experience in trying to enter the DSMMEs (Thank goodness I did not; I loathe teaching.) I was told a great number of things:
~ we should use this to get more drinks at the bar
~ you’re a lesbian
~ you’re a disgrace
~ you’re neglecting your responsibility
~ you’re throwing your life away
~ do you know how other women will touch you?
~ what about sex?
~ you should go do all the things that you can’t do once you enter
~ that’s a blessing
~ you’ll save your family
~ what grace

See how the vast majority of responses are negative and bitter? How focused they are on an erroneous thought that I’m losing something when I enter religious life. Rather, consider what I gain, in a non-materialist way: God. I have Him. All of Him. His full and complete attention. I get to respond to His love for me in a unique way, a way that I was created to do. I have the ability to work in cooperation with God.

This world will kill you; it will kill me. It will slay me to death with pride, lust, sloth/laziness, anger, greed, gluttony. I do not choose this world. I was born in the world at the time God wanted me to exist here, but He did not make me or you to be immersed in it to the extent that you can lose yourself in it. He bought you and me at the price of His Son’s Flesh, Blood, Soul and Divinity hanging tattered and exsanguinated on a Roman cross at the behest of the Jewish elders.

Keep me in your prayers, I’ll pray for you – you can leave requests in the comment box or you can (I think?) email or message me.

Feast of the Assumption

How I’ve come to love Mary. I had a ponderous moment at Mass about all the people God’s goodness on this day, and Mary’s promise to us: that He will glorify us after resurrection, and she will intercede.

She’s alive in Heaven with Christ, Enoch, Elijah and the heavenly Hosts of the Lord. I’m kind of jealous of my guardian angel since he/she sees this reality, and I can only hope for it.

I didn’t make fancy blue desserts, but I enjoyed this (G.K. Chesterson style):

image

ASH #9: A bet with God

God, a deity, who is supposed to be bigger, badder and better than me, or you. I suppose because I’ve never seen him. Although I have a tome of 73 books that I read at breakfast & dinner that tells me so. Yet (most) of these authors don’t see Him either. I’m hopelessly falling into the David vs. Goliath cliche with this, but I’ve got enough vinegar to not care. Oh, you don’t care for vinegar….some vodka then? Dern not vodka, fine yo-yo, I’ll give you single malt scotch whiskey. So yeah, this quiet social worker with her scotch takes on God. Lemme back up for a minute, I wasn’t always a social worker or a scotch imbiber, those come with time. But a bet with God, the one and only Deity in my life, shot that’s just tomfoolery. Yet, I made it. I was fresh out of life (like that feeling you have when you’re out of tp and you gotta go?). How in tarnation I was standing, breathing or moving…must’ve been God’s Will ‘cuz it sure as heck not mine. Nosiree in 2005, living took too much effort. My mind & craw were jammed full of other thoughts like pills, death, funerals and what color roses would cover a fresh mound of dirt. God would have it that I practically wander into the funeral Mass for someone I once knew, and make a bet – more like a threat:

I’m giving you one last chance. It better be good, because I can’t live like this. If it’s not good, I’m gone. I’ll leave you for good.

Er, what? Some chick blackmailed God. If He wanted/wants me, He’ll have to come and get me. Otherwise I’d crossover to the not-so Catholic side of things. It’s hard to tell who’s winning, but I’ll let Him claim it.

RIP Rita

When Sammy died in early May, I got Rita soon after. The empty cage full of rodent toys mocking me from it’s corner.

image

She was my wee furry acrobat, climbing and swinging just like Sammy had. Rita, nervous & timid, brown with a white patch on head & tummy; passed away between 2pm – 7pm. She wasn’t ill or injured, her cagemate Rachel isn’t aggressive.

image

Rita & Samuel can keep each other company in heaven.

image

I miss my munchkin. = (

entitlement 2

Entitlement is an attitude that says you have a right to recieve something. In looking it up in the Dictionary, it’s also a term the government uses to address things that should be guaranteed to a citizen. That’s how this world works – everyone’s got a right to this or that and it’s all based on how each person views something. There’s no absolute standard, I’m no more right than you are wrong; I wouldn’t even be able to say that you are wrong, because in your special grand scheme of things you are right.

On the other hand, there’s someone called God, and the spiritual is just as real as the material. You know the ozone layer exists even though it cannot be seen, and bacteria exist in uncooked food even though you can’t see it, feel it, or taste until it’s too late. Same with God, you can ignore His commandments and precepts and have your “fun” and raise “hell,” but once you die, then you will see, hear, know the consequences. You only know the difference until it’s too late. This isn’t about entitlement, but merit. Have you lived a life that merits eternal reward or punishment? Do you merit eternal reward after a little purgatorial refinement, or straight to punishment?

Thoughts of mine after Thanksgiving Day with relatives.