RIP Rita

When Sammy died in early May, I got Rita soon after. The empty cage full of rodent toys mocking me from it’s corner.

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She was my wee furry acrobat, climbing and swinging just like Sammy had. Rita, nervous & timid, brown with a white patch on head & tummy; passed away between 2pm – 7pm. She wasn’t ill or injured, her cagemate Rachel isn’t aggressive.

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Rita & Samuel can keep each other company in heaven.

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I miss my munchkin. = (

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present to the Present

At this evening’s bible study session, the organizer, Jonathan, was able to get a local Franciscan priest to come and talk with us. We’ve always enjoyed the nights that Fr. Kevin comes over because he’s funny, but also it’s essentially “open mike night.” It’s our questions, rather than the theological verse-by-verse breakdown of Acts 8; although this is equally fruitful.

There was a good discussion going on homilies, what to expect, how to kindly and politely address issues with priests, pastors, etc. But there was one thing that stuck out to me this evening: “being present to the Present (Presence) in the present.” It’s being contemplative in action. It’s being aware that when you and I speak face to face, Christ is right there with us. Can we shut down Facebook, Blogger, Xanga, LiveJournal, MySpace, LinkedIn, BrightFuse, CareerBuilder, Indeed, Monster, &c for just once to notice that these things are rewarding us for being distracted and distant from the Only One who should matter to us? No wonder our chapels are empty, the Blessed Sacrament is abandoned. No one knows how to just sit with Jesus anymore!

Desiring God

O God my Truth, make me one with you in eternal love. Often I become weary with reading and hearing many things. You are all that I want and desire. (a Kempis, 3.2)

It’s not just with words but of ideas that we become weary. The more that is heard, seen, and grapsed by the mind, the harder it is to discern the Truth. For example, if one listens to a single radio station, only one point of view is heard, but if two or more are heard, there are many more points to take into consideration regardless of whether these are wrong or not. So, it is the same with what we fill our eyes, mind, heart, and ears. What is that we dwell on? Is it the truth of God and the goodness that He’s given to us to safeguard these very aspects, or are we being filled with the trends of the season?

Reflection on Relationship

Sometimes I regret Facebook and being able to get in touch with some really old frienships like the ones you had in gradeschool. I don’t regret it in such a way that I want to leave Facebook, but more along the lines of “Wish I didn’t know that.”

Even though I’m in discernment, I still have to adjust my way of thinking and acting. I suppose I can go around thinking that some guy is really cute or someone would make a really good marriage partner down the line, but it does me a disservice. I have to take the idea of marriage and lay it to rest, and let it be expunged from the options in my life. “People who have to choose between two good alternatives are frequently attracted to both of them. Once an alternative has been selected, the other alternative hthat has been rejected will have to be mourned” (Kiechle, 2005, p. 76). Now I’m not mourning, but I’m also forcing myself to realize that thinking about compatability will never get me very far in discernment. God has always made good-looking Catholics, and He will continue to do so. Like late last week I looked online at wedding rings and wedding gowns. I’m never going to wear one. I will never wear a wedding gown, I will never have a wedding ring with a diamond. I will never have “my day.” I will never have a husband or children of my own.

But then on the other hand, I look online at who was my best friend in grade school, the one I had the hugest crush on for the longest time. I still like the memory I have of who he was. He’s gay. All the guys I have liked down through the years have been unavailable to me by no fault of my own. I’m hedged in, so I can only turn to Him. I can only Love Him. I have come to love and to desire celibacy/chastity, and the vocation call, only because He Loves it into me. If it weren’t for God inviting me into it, I wouldn’t give discernment the time of day. I have learned that if I love Him, my will conforms to His; leading me all the way back to “thy will be done.”

On loving home

Thank you for your comments. It’s easy to just type everything up, and leave it at that. Google Mail also just lets me moderate and publish the comments from my email. It’s quick and convenient, which is why I am also posting here more often that I have in the past, since it’s no longer just another blog on a random site that was outside of my typical routine.

This connectedness also forces me to read your comments, and because I haven’t had these many different people reading my site in the past, I do take the time to carefully read the comments.

I know that Ginger & J.A. have left comments about love regarding the last (personal) post.

It is difficult, as I’m sure you all know. Family has that special ability to love, but also hurt, like few other social institutions of people can muster. It’s easy to love when things are going well, and easy to hate when things have gone sour. The trick is to always love.

When I was at university for my undergraduate, I talked on quite a few occasions to Fr. Lawrence at the Catholic Center. Last time I spoke with him he said, and I’m going to paraphrase it: You [Megan] have the double bind of having to obey God’s Word and Will, and having to honor father and mother as well.

It’s no easier today than it was back in November 2006 or any other time before that.

I keep thinking of what I wrote the other day: it’s like faith in God threatens them, it’s something frightening and to be escaped. I phrase it “faith in God” because it appears to be easy to put thier faith into things like “luck,” “chance,” false gods & idols.
When there is behavior they want me to change, or they need an arguing point (a “get out of jail free” card to save their butt), religion comes up, and it’s always my fault. They address it like one addresses “dirty laundry.”

So I cleaned my room today. Religious icons out where they have always been, but letters and vocational packages have been discreetly hidden in plain sight. I am not going to stop them if they choose to rifle through my drawers and look at my Bibles, prayer cards, Christian & Catholic books.

I haven’t been in the best of moods recently because I don’t want to go out into the world and make $8.00 per hour with a 4-year degree. Yesterday, mom was less than sympathetic about it, and decided that prayer cards and Catholicism was a good thing to throw in my face, because surely that would “straighten” me “out.” All she had to say, “Megan, when you graduated, there was no expectation of you from me that you would be employed at something other than a grocery store, bank, or clothing store.” That’s all! I felt like upon graduation it was expected that I find a job earning around $13+ per hour.

Whatever!

Meanwhile, Deus est Caritas sits on my bookshelf unread.
*Please, I know I don’t sound loving on many of my posts, but know that I am trying.